Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
The story continues!
I stopped the story right before I could get it all out. The story picks up where I did the unthinkable, something I had never seen or have done before I had a positive pregnancy test. At this time I was still in full shock and still didn’t think I actually pregnant. Still in shock I yelled for my husband while I was shaking he ran into the bathroom and said “What happened, are you pregnant? I was screaming and said look at the test “look, look”. He then took the test and he grinned from ear to ear with so much happiness in his eyes, heart and smile. We talked and yelled crazy for at least 5 minutes before making our next move. We called his parents and my mom to tell just them because it was very important that they knew it had finally happened. We called and told them all and they screamed and congratulated us and we went on to being happy and in shock. At that time I did not know how far along I was. I then sent the repro a message telling them everything and they set me up with a blood test appointment the next day. I went the next day so nervous that the test would be like the others saying no once the home test said yes. However I got the call he next morning saying ” congratulations your HCG levels are 320 meaning you are pregnant” . Then at that moment I became the pregnant fully. I was good for a couple days felt good, cravings kicked in, I was extremely tired, I was eating crazy things like I cried because I wanted to eat meat all the time. I also was eating pickles, watermelon, and dill pickle chips with cinnamon ice cream lol. Well I was in pain and was in discomfort mostly but felt good to know I was finally getting my dream. And thennn……
I had to do the whole going to the doctor thing every other day to have my levels checked. They do that to make sure your levels are doubling every other day until they reach a certain number at a certain number of weeks. When I returned my numbers did rise to the 400’s but that was the issue because though it had risen it was supposed to double. When it didn’t double I had to continue to be monitored every other day until they saw my numbers double. As time continued which seemed like forever it had really only been a week or so everything happened so fast, I never got a chance to really get used to the idea that I was even pregnant. As the days passed My numbers began to climb but so slow that the doctor was already preparing me for the doom that is miscarriage. A couple days later on a Friday I woke up in some pain that radiated from my vagina to my anus and it kept feeling like I had to have a bowel movement and cramping. I finally had that bowel movement but something still didn’t feel right. I sat there scared and in pain, as I could feel some symptoms decrease like breast pain, I knew there was something wrong, so I got dressed and went to the hospital. Once I got to the hospital I waited and waited cramping all the way. I got to the room waited so long to be seen and they were horrible with the whole situation. Rude doctors, nurses that couldn’t place an IV and pain. As I hit hour 5 in there I had to pee and this time when I did I was then bleeding lightly and it stopped. They then came in the room and asked me if I wanted to terminate my pregnancy? I said no in case this turns around. I was diagnosed with bleeding during pregnancy and went home. The story finale will continue…..
In the beginning!
She did the unthinkable!!
Well wow, wow, wow, have I had a difficult 3 weeks. Sorry for such a long break it has been very tough to get myself up enough to even want to write at all. Well here goes it and walk through the last 3 weeks with me.
For many that have followed my story and journey (when they pay attention) know that on this PCOS journey I have had the hardest time conceiving. TTC (Trying to conceive) has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done as a woman and wife because it takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally and physically in trying, empty tests and false positives just to keep hearing “oh no not yet.” Well after years that story changed for me and I wouldn’t know that I would go through the most trying times I ever encountered.
I went to visit a fertility doctor August 21st to get the ball rolling on trying for baby Rucker. The doctor did a slew of blood tests on me and took so much blood I almost passed out. These tests were to find out what was wrong with me and why I have yet to conceive. When these tests came in I was a nervous wreck because they came in little by little. For the most part everything came back good. Then the last one which tested the quantity of my eggs came in and the number was at 0.3 well below the starting limit. So naturally my mind took on the worst and couldn’t get out of depression. These number were basically saying I was getting old and had a very small reserve of eggs to be fertilized and I just knew “I’LL NEVER GET PREGNANT”. Well as time progressed and I realized I was very emotional, crying, mad, hurting, then it moved to spotting which started really slow and brown. I cramped and started to contact the fertility doctor because I was set to do more tests once my period started, but when it kinda didn’t really start I started to ask questions. It moved from slow to still dark but picked up just a little bit and went on that way for about 8 days. I thought nothing of it because it started right along with my scheduled cycle, I just thought oh it’s a different cycle, odd and off. Now prior to the actual bleeding I had really bad PMS but it was way worse then the normal, breasts hurt like hell and I was just off. So after a week of talking to the doctor he then said take a home pregnancy test. At the time I didn’t have the money to get one, but as symptoms increased I kept messaging them and they asked me again have you taken the pregnancy test? So with that I found some money and finally got one. A cheap no name brand test at that. I was scared to take this test because I just knew in my heart I wasn’t pregnant and it was going to be a disappointment like all the other tests blank, bare and heartbreaking. I went to take the test and I saw the first right side line come in and I said okay see I’m not pregnant like I thought. I then Looked down fixed myself and looked up and the right line started to form and it began to get darker and darker and darker. Then boom for the first time ever in my life on September 10th 2019 I saw a positive home pregnancy test…… NOW HOLD ON THIS IS; TO BE CONTINUED……..
Introduction to this survivor babe!
Who I am and why I am here…
Hello all my name is Malika also known as Survivor babe. I am 34 years old and this is the road to recovery, surviving, healing, strength, pcos, living, anxiety, depression, love, loss, infertility and my journey through it all. I am a native of New York City living in Georgia with my husband and our fur baby Kash (Dog). I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 years old and not really told that much about it, except for the INFAMOUS “you gotta lose weight” from my doctors. Those with Pcos knows it’s not that easy to lose weight or keep it off for that matter. For those of you that are not sure what Pcos is; well we will dive into that as blogs go forward. I also am a full survivor as well, through PCOS, hurt, pain, anxiety, depression, abuse, domestic violence and suicide attempts and i’m still here and that means that you can survive these things too. I have recently started my fertility journey and it’s a lot that goes into this journey and I wanted to tell my story and share this journey with you all. I also want to let out the real and raw of it all, because let’s be honest most people don’t tell you the nasty parts of things. So welcome to my journey of life and giving life, thank you for taking this ride with me. I hope you learn something and gain something while you’re here. Blessings!!
Introduce Yourself (Example Post)
This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.
You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.
Why do this?
- Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
- Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.
The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.
To help you get started, here are a few questions:
- Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
- What topics do you think you’ll write about?
- Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
- If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?
You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.
Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.
When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.
Pcos Babe's fertility journey 